Day 32 Never Be What You Want

When I find out bad news, I do what I always do: pretend that I’m okay. Other people show their disappointment; I pin a smile on my face. I can’t seem to do an in-between reaction to bad news. It’s either pretending I’m okay, or breaking down and sobbing my eyes out in public. I’d rather put up with a permanent smile during the day, then sob my eyes out later when I’m alone.

Add to the mix that I feel pretty lonely sometimes, and you have one very sad girl, who feels lost. My best friend has a boyfriend, and as much as I love both of them, and they are good for each other, I occasionally feel like a third wheel. Yes, she still hangs out with me as much as she used to, but I don’t tell her as much as I used to. We used to discuss everything under the sun, and everything beyond the moon. I do adore her though, and try to spend as much time as I can with her.

When I’m down, only a couple of things can bring me back up. One of those things is ‘Never Be What You Want’ by We Are The In Crowd. I listen to it a couple of times, allowing myself to feel self-pity, then feeling pretty damned invincible. Does it matter if I’m not perfect? Nope.

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